Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
