Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
