Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
