Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
