all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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