i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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