WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
