Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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