The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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