Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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