I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
