you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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