dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
