New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Blood and glitter go together right?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
