it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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