Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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