I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
