Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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