My hand turned me down
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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