I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
