My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
