Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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