i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In other news, I just burned my penis
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
