Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
