You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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