Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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