woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
