Swine flu. Run for my life!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
