I smell stomach acid.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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