i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
They left me at home... I'm a liability
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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