i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Everything about him screamed your future.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
