is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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