The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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