Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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