I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
