If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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