goodnight i made you a song goodbye
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
