i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
