U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
