I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
