Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
