i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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