He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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