3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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