Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
thus making me awesome and them whores
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
