Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
