Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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