Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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