Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
