i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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