I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
