I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
