Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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