Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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