She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
