We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
