do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
