dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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