I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am spending my child support on dildos
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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