Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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