people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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