A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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