you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
