My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
