If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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