Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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