Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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