Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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